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Author Topic: joke of the day  (Read 57573 times)

Offline mike p

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Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!
« Reply #50 on: April 17, 2009, 08:41:23 PM »
Never Choke in a Restaurant in the South!



Two hillbillies walk into a restaurant.
While having a bite to eat, they talk about their moonshine operation.
 
Suddenly, a woman at a nearby table, who is eating a sandwich, begins to cough.
After a minute or so, it becomes apparent that she is in real distress.

One of the hillbillies looks at her and says, "Kin ya swallar?"

The woman shakes her head, "no.."

Then he asks, "Kin ya breathe?"

The woman begins to turn blue, and again shakes her head, "no."

The hillbilly walks over to the woman, lifts up her dress,
yanks down her drawers and quickly gives her right butt cheek a lick with his tongue.

The woman is so shocked that she has a violent spasm and the obstruction flies out of her mouth.
As she begins to breathe again, the Hillbilly walks slowly back to his table.

His partner says, "Ya know, I'd heerd of that there 'Hind Lick Maneuver' but I ain't niver seed nobody do it afore!"

Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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PASTORS ASS
« Reply #51 on: May 08, 2009, 12:18:22 PM »
The   
Pastor's Ass   
   
 The pastor entered his donkey in a race and   
it won.   
 
 The pastor was so pleased with the donkey   
that he entered it in the   
race   
again, and it won again.   
 The local paper read:   
PASTOR'S   
ASS OUT FRONT.   
  The Bishop was so upset with this kind of   
publicity that he ordered   
the   
pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.   
   The next day, the local paper headline   
read:   
BISHOP   
SCRATCHES   
PASTOR'S   
ASS.   
  This was too much for the bishop, so he   
ordered the pastor to get   
rid   
of the donkey.   
  The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a   
nearby convent.   
  The local paper, hearing of the news, posted   
the following headline   
the   
next day:   
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.   
The bishop fainted.   
 He informed the nun that she would have to
get rid of the donkey, so she
sold it to a farmer for $10.
   
  The next day the paper read:   
    NUN   
SELLS ASS FOR $10.   
  This was too much for the bishop , so he   
ordered the nun to buy back   
the   
donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run   
wild.   
The next day the headlines read:   
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.   
  The bishop was buried the next day.   
     The moral of the story is . ...   
being  concerned about public opinion
can bring you much grief and misery . .   
even shorten your life.   
  So be yourself and enjoy life.   
  Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and   
you'll be a lot happier   
and   
live longer!



Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline Mr Mom

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #52 on: May 09, 2009, 06:39:16 AM »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Offline mike p

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Grandpa & Viagra
« Reply #53 on: June 04, 2009, 03:12:09 PM »
Grandma & Grandpa
       
        Grandma and Grandpa were visiting
        their kids overnight.
       
        When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in
        his son's medicine cabinet, he asked
        about using one of the pills.
       
        The son said, "I don't think you shou ld
        take one Dad; they're very strong
        and very expensive."
       
        "How much?" asked Grandpa.
       
        "$10.00 a pill," Answered the son.
       
        "I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to
        try one, and before we leave in the
        morning, I'll put the money
        under the pillow."
       
        Later the next morning, the son found
        $110 under the pillow. He called
        Grandpa and said, "I told
        you each pill was
        $10, not $110.
       
        "I know," said Grandpa. "The
        hundred is from
        Grandma!"
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline Kirk Allen

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #54 on: June 04, 2009, 03:35:24 PM »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching!

Offline Frank Pender - AKA "Tail Gunner"

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #55 on: June 04, 2009, 10:36:03 PM »
I just repeated the joke to Alice and I did not forget the punch line. :angel:

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #56 on: June 26, 2009, 06:24:16 PM »
when Fara Facuiet got to heaven she was given one wish for humanity
can you guess











she said she wanted to protect the children
poof michael jackson died
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline Kirk Allen

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #57 on: June 26, 2009, 08:42:05 PM »
Now that is funny!
Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching!

Offline Kirk Allen

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #58 on: July 29, 2009, 10:37:06 PM »
At the Welfare Office

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.

He marched straight up to the counter and said,
'Hi, You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job.'

The social worker behind the counter said,
'Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes.
Because of the long hours, meals will be provided..
You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips and to her swimsuit modeling shoots.
This is rather awkward to say but you will also have as part of your job assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's, and has a rather strong sex drive...

A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year.'

The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said,

You're bullshittin' me!

The social worker said,

'Yeah, well... you started it.'

Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching!

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day I'm Fine
« Reply #59 on: August 20, 2009, 03:59:05 PM »
A farmer named Clyde had a car accident. In court, the trucking
 company's fancy lawyer was questioning Clyde .

 "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?"
 asked the lawyer.

  Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened.. I had
 just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie..."

 "I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the
 question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'? "

  Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and
 I was driving down the road....."

 The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish
 the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway
 Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the
 accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud.

 Please tell him to simply answer the question."

 By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said
 to the lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie".

  Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded.

 "Well as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite
 mule, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway
 when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my
 truck right in the side. I was thrown into one
 ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting,
 real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie
 moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible
 shape just by her groans. Shortly after the accident a
 Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and
 groaning so he went over to her. After he  looked at her, and saw her fatal condition, he took out his
 gun and shot her between the eyes.

 Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me
 and said, "How are you feeling?"
 "Now what the hell would you say?"

Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day Goat for Dinner
« Reply #60 on: September 20, 2009, 07:39:51 PM »


          The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having.

          "Goat," the little boy replied.

          "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"

          "Yep," said the youngster

          "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have that old goat for dinner."


Lord, keep Your arm around my shoulder and Your hand over my mouth.

 
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day Fishin
« Reply #61 on: September 26, 2009, 05:47:18 AM »
finally got around to goin' fishin' this morning but after a while I ran out of worms. Then I saw a cottonmouth with a frog in his mouth, and frogs are good bass bait.

> >

Knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I

grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket.

> >

> > Now the dilemma was how to release the snake without gettin' bit. I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth. His eyes rolled back, he went limp, I released him into the lake without incident, and carried on my fishin' with the frog.

> >

A little later I felt a nudge on my foot. There was that same damn snake with two frogs in his mouth.

Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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written by a black gentleman in Texas
« Reply #62 on: October 09, 2009, 09:20:17 PM »
This was written by a black gentleman in Texas and
is so funny.  What a great sense of humor and creativity!

When U Black, U Black

 When I was born, I was BLACK ,
When I grew up, I was BLACK ,
When I went in the sun, I stayed BLACK,
When I got cold, I was BLACK ,
When I was scared, I was BLACK ,
When I was sick, I was BLACK ,
And when I die, I'll still be BLACK .
             
 
 
 NOW, You 'white' folks:

When you're born, you're PINK,
When you grow-up, you're WHITE ,
When you go in the sun, you get RED,
When you're cold, you turn BLUE,
When you're scared, you're YELLOW,
When you get sick, you're GREEN
When you bruise, you turn PURPLE ,
And when you die, you look GRAY.

So who y'all be callin'

COLORED Folks?
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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Lemon Picker
« Reply #63 on: January 11, 2010, 09:22:24 PM »
Lemon  Picker !!

 

 

The woman applying for a job in a Florida lemon grove seemed to be far too qualified for the job.

The foreman frowned and said, "I have to ask you this:
"Have you had any actual experience in picking lemons?"

"Well, as a matter of fact, I have!


"I've been divorced three times, owned 2 Chryslers, and I voted for Obama.

Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline Kirk Allen

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Where does it end?
« Reply #64 on: January 26, 2010, 04:25:07 PM »
SCHOOL  -- 1957 vs. 2007

Scenario 1:
Jack goes quail hunting before school and then pulls into the school parking lot with his shotgun in his truck's gun rack.
1957 - Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack's shotgun, goes to his car and gets his shotgun to show Jack.
2007 - School goes into lock down, FBI called, Jack hauled off to jail and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors called in for traumatized students and teachers. 


Scenario 2:
Johnny and Mark get into a fist fight after school.
1957 - Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2007 - Police called and SWAT team arrives -- they arrest both  Johnny and Mark. They are both charged them with assault and both expelled even though Johnny started it
 

Scenario 3:
Jeffrey will not be still in class, he disrupts other students.
1957 - Jeffrey sent to the Principal's office and given a good paddling by the Principal. He then returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2007 - Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. He becomes a zombie. He is then tested for ADD. The school gets extra money from the state because Jeffrey has a disability. 

Scenario 4:
Billy breaks a window in his neighbor's car and his Dad gives him a whipping with his belt.
1957 - Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2007 - Billy's dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. The state psychologist is told by Billy's sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy's mom has an affair with the psychologist. 

Scenario 5:
Mark gets a headache and takes some aspirin to school.
1957 - Mark shares his aspirin with the Principal out on the smoking dock.
2007 - The police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His car is then searched for drugs and weapons. 

Scenario 6:
Pedro fails high school English.
1957 - Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2007 - Pedro's cause is taken up by state. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that teaching English as a requirement for graduation is racist. AC L U files class action lawsuit against the state school system and Pedro's English teacher.  English is then banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English. 
Scenario 7:
Johnny takes apart leftover firecrackers from the Fourth of July, puts them in a model airplane paint bottle and blows up a red ant bed.
1957 - Ants die.
2007 - ATF, Homeland Security and the FBI are all called. Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. The FBI investigates his parents -- and all siblings are removed from their home and all computers are confiscated. Johnny's dad is placed on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again. 
 
Scenario 8:
Johnny falls while running during recess and scrapes his knee. He is found crying by his teacher, Mary. Mary hugs him to comfort him.
1957 - In a short time, Johnny feels better and goes on playing.
2007 - Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces 3 years in State Prison.  Johnny undergoes 5 years of therapy.   

   
This should hit every email inbox to show how stupid we have become!!
Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching!

Offline joasis

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #65 on: January 27, 2010, 05:42:44 PM »
Curtis &Leroy saw an ad in the Starkville Daily News Newspaper in

  Starkville, MS. and bought a mule for $100.  The farmer agreed to deliver

  the mule the next day.

  The next morning the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry, fellows, I have

  some bad news, the mule died last night."

 

  Curtis &Leroy replied, "Well, then just give us our money back."

 

  The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already."

 

  They said, "OK then, just bring us the dead mule."

 

  The farmer asked, "What in the world ya'll gonna do with a dead mule?"

 

  Curtis said, "We gonna raffle him off."

 

  The farmer said, "You can't raffle off a dead mule!"

 

  Leroy said, "We shore can!  Heck, we don't hafta tell nobody he's dead!"

 

  A couple of weeks later, the farmer ran into Curtis &Leroy at the Piggly

  Wiggly  grocery store and asked.

  "What'd you fellers ever do with that dead mule?"

  They said,"We raffled him off like we said we wuz gonna do."

 

  Leroy said,"Shucks, we sold 500 tickets fer two dollars apiece and made a

  profit of $898."

 

  The farmer said,"My Lord, didn't anyone complain?"

 

  Curtis said, "Well, the feller who won got upset. So we gave him his two

  dollars back."

 

  Curtis and Leroy now work for the government.

 

  They're overseeing the Bailout Program.

 

 

 

Ladwig Construction
Hennessey, Oklahoma
    405 853 1563

If anyone has any issues, I can be reached at the number above, anytime.

Offline Kirk Allen

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #66 on: February 02, 2010, 10:00:31 AM »
John was in the fertilized egg business. He had several hundred young layers
(hens), called 'pullets,' and ten roosters to fertilize the eggs. He kept
records, and any rooster not performing went into the soup pot and was
replaced.

This took a lot of time, so he bought some tiny bells and attached them to
his roosters. Each bell had a different tone, so he could tell from a
distance, which rooster was performing.

Now, he could sit on the porch And fill out an efficiency report by just
listening to the bells.
John's favorite rooster, old Butch, was a very fine specimen, but this
morning he noticed old Butch's bell hadn't rung at all!

When he went to investigate, he saw the other roosters were busy chasing
pullets, bells-a-ringing, but the pullets, hearing the roosters coming,
could run for cover.

To John's amazement, old Butch had his bell in his beak, so it couldn't
ring. He'd sneak up on a pullet, do his job and walk on to the next one.

John was so proud of old Butch, he entered him in the Renfrew County Fair
and he became an overnight sensation among the judges.

The result was the judges not only awarded old Butch the No Bell Piece Prize
but they also awarded him the Pulletsurprise as well.

Clearly old Butch was a politician in the making. Who else but a politician
could figure out how to win two of the most highly coveted awards on our
planet by being the best at sneaking up on the populace and screwing them
when they weren't paying attention.


Vote carefully next year, the bells are not always audible.
Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching!

Offline joasis

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #67 on: February 12, 2010, 08:30:42 AM »
HISTORY LESSON

Railroad tracks. This is fascinating.
The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used? Well, because that's the way they built them in England , and English engineers designed the first US railroads.

Why did the English build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the wagon tramways, and that's the gauge they used.

So, why did 'they' use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they had used for building wagons, which used that same wheel spacing.

Why did the wagons have that particular odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing, the wagon wheels would break more often on some of the old, long distance roads in England. You see, that's the spacing of the wheel ruts.

So who built those old rutted roads? Imperial Rome built the first long distance roads in Europe (including England ) for their legions. Those roads have been used ever since..

And the ruts in the roads? Roman war chariots formed the initial ruts, which everyone else had to match or run the risk of destroying their wagon wheels. Since the chariots were made for Imperial Rome, they were all alike in the matter of wheel spacing. Therefore the United States standard railroad gauge of 4 feet, 8.5 inches is derived from the original specifications for an Imperial Roman war chariot. Bureaucracies live forever.

So the next time you are handed a specification/procedure/process and wonder 'What horse's ass came up with this?', you may be exactly right. Imperial Roman army chariots were made just wide enough to accommodate the rear ends of two war horses. (Two horses' asses..)
Now, the twist to the story:

When you see a Space Shuttle sitting on its launch pad, there are two big booster rockets attached to the sides of the main fuel tank. These are solid rocket boosters, or SRBs. The SRBs are made by Thiokol at their factory in Utah . The engineers who designed the SRBs would have preferred to make them a bit fatter, but the SRBs had to be shipped by train from the factory to the launch site. The railroad line from the factory happens to run through a tunnel in the mountains, and the SRBs had to fit through that tunnel.. The tunnel is slightly wider than the railroad track, and the railroad track, as you now know, is about as wide as two horses' behinds.

So, a major Space Shuttle design feature of what is arguably the world's most advanced transportation system was determined over two thousand years ago by the width of a horse's ass. And you thought being a horse's ass wasn't important? Ancient horse's asses control almost everything and...

CURRENT Horses Asses are controlling everything else.
Ladwig Construction
Hennessey, Oklahoma
    405 853 1563

If anyone has any issues, I can be reached at the number above, anytime.

Offline Mr Mom

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #68 on: February 12, 2010, 06:57:19 PM »
 :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:

Thanks Alot Mr Mom

Offline joasis

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #69 on: February 13, 2010, 03:53:01 AM »
Gonorrhea Lectim


The Center for Disease Control has issued a warning about a new virulent strain of this old disease.

The disease is called Gonorrhea Lectim. It's pronounced "Gonna re-elect 'im."

The disease is contracted through dangerous and high risk behavior involving putting your cranium up your rectum.




Many victims contracted it in 2008 ..... but now most people after having been infected for the past 1-2 years are starting to realize how destructive this sickness is. It's sad because it is so easily cured with a new procedure just coming on the market called Vo-tem-out!




You take the first dose/step in 2010 and the second dosage in 2012 and simply don't engage in such behavior again, otherwise it could become permanent and eventually wipe out all life as we know it.




Several states are already on top of this like Virginia and New Jersey, and now Massachusetts with many more seeing the writing on the wall.




Please pass this important message on to all those bright folk you really care about.
Ladwig Construction
Hennessey, Oklahoma
    405 853 1563

If anyone has any issues, I can be reached at the number above, anytime.

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day Cowboy joke
« Reply #70 on: February 15, 2010, 01:57:41 PM »
A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Have you ever done anything of particular merit?' St. Peter asked.

'Well, I can think of one thing,' the cowboy offered.

'On a trip to the Black Hills out in  South Dakota , I came upon a gang of bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face ... Kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground. I yelled, 'Now, back off or I'll kick the crap out of all of you!'

 St. Peter was impressed, 'When did this happen?'


'Couple of minutes ago.'
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #71 on: August 21, 2010, 04:57:02 PM »
Stud fees
A Montana rancher got in his pickup and drove to a neighboring ranch and knocked at the door. A young boy, about 9, opened the door.

'Is yer Dad home?' the rancher asked.

'No sir, he ain't,' the boy replied. 'He went into town.'

'Well,' said the rancher, 'Is yer Mother here?'

'No, sir, she ain't here neither. She went into town with Dad.'

'How about your brother, Howard ? Is he here?'

No sir, 'He went with Mom and Dad.'

The rancher stood there for a few minutes, shifting from one foot to the other and mumbling to himself.

'Is there anything I can do fer ya?' the boy asked politely 'I know where all the tools are, if you want to borry one. Or maybe I could take a message fer Dad.'

'Well,' said the rancher uncomfortably, 'I really wanted to talk to yer Dad.. It's about your brother Howard getting my daughter, Pearly Mae, pregnant.'

The boy considered for a moment. 'You would have to talk to Pa about that', he finally conceded. 'If it helps you any, I know that Pa charges $500 for the bull and $50 for the hog, but I really don't know how much he gets fer Howard .'
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline mike p

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skunk in stead of Eagle
« Reply #72 on: August 22, 2010, 04:53:36 PM »
 



The skunk has replaced the Eagle as the new symbol for the President.   

It is half black, half white, and everything it does stinks.

 
Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson

Offline Kirk Allen

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #73 on: August 22, 2010, 08:15:57 PM »
AND THATS NO JOKE!
Integrity is doing the right thing when no one is watching!

Offline mike p

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Re: joke of the day
« Reply #74 on: August 30, 2010, 06:44:01 PM »
Amish Farmer



An Amish farmer, walking through his field, notices a man kneeling down and cupping a hand to drink from the farm pond.

The Amish farmer shouts, 'Trink das wasser nicht. Die kuhen haben dahin gesheissen.'    (Which means: 'Don't drink the water, the cows crap in it'.)

The kneeling man shouts back, angrily, 'I'm a Muslim, I don't understand you. I speak Arabic and English. If you can't speak in the sacred tongue of Islam, speak to me in English.'

The Amish farmer replies, in perfect English 'Use two hands, you'll get more.'
 


Eagle's Nest Tree farm & Sawmill
BSA Scoutmaster Retired
My reading of history convinces me that most bad government results from
 too much government.
   Thomas Jefferson 1802
 No free man shall ever be debarred the use of arms.

   Thomas Jefferson